They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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