Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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