he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
