I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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