I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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