it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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