My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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