It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
