Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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