is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
