Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
false alarm, still single
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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