I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Will you blow on my dice?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
