I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
