My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
