basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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