these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
