i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
