i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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