sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
