Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
