Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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