if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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