He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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