I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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