I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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