Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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