you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
