Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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