I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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