Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i will never coherently bang her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
