Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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