and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
