you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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