Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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