I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
