if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.