did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.