He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday