Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
