I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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