I'm drive I can fine osifer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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