It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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