Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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