That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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