I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
