im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
