I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
