Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
