how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
