how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
