after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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