You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
