How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
