There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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