i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
