The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
