I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
