Sry I called you an 8
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
