I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
