I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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