garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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