That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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