I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
