I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a search helicopter?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
