i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
