I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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