I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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