The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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