ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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